As of Lately

I'll admit, this road has been a lot more difficult than we ever expected.  Jacob and I both had a completely different idea of how all this triplet stuff would turn out.  Despite all that has happened, there have been countless blessing that have also come with the sorrow.  I've been told that trials build character, shape who we are and teach us lessons.  After all is said and done, I can say that this statement is true.  Jacob and I have definitely changed in many ways.  I believe those changes have been for the better.  We have drawn closer to each other and to the Lord.  For that we are grateful. Don't get me wrong, I still have days where I breakdown and cry because I miss my precious Dalton and my loving, tender and sweet husband.  Usually it's in my bedroom at my mother in law's home or in the NICU since those are the only two places I ever am. However, I know that the wounds will heal and that time will pass.  There will be a day in the near future when the boys and I are able to go home and we can be together as a family.
One of the wonderful nurses told me the other day, "you know, you never hear the phrase in the scriptures 'And it came to stay.' It says 'And it came to pass.'" As silly as it sounds, I appreciated her light heartedness and had to agree with  her.  It WILL pass.  I want to make the best of the time I have here, close to family, and not just "wish time away". I am doing my best to enjoy this time as much as possible to see family and friends.  Once I leave, who knows when we will be back.  I will never have the same opportunities later as I do now. I appreciate all my friends who have taken me out to dinner, come over to the house to help paint baby furniture, stopped by for a visit and dropped by the hospital to bring me a cute outfit after I delivered the boys.  Their kindness has been much appreciated.  Thanks to all of you.
As of lately, the boys are doing great!!! Sam and Drew are both up to two pounds!  WAHOOOO!!!!! They are both starting to fill out and look more and more like babies everyday.  I LOVE to watch them grow.  They are starting to develop personalities.  Especially Sam!  I have a feeling he is going to be my goofy child, and I mean that with every ounce of love I have in my heart.  He makes me laugh ALL the time!  The way he sticks out his tongue, looks at me with his big beautiful eyes, pulls the happiest face I have ever seen-immediately followed by the saddest face I have ever seen, for no reason at all and even when he has SO many blowouts that he has to have a bath:).  This last week he has even started to smile at me when I talk to him.  It absolutely melts my heart! He has the craziest hair out of all three boys.  There is SO SO much of it!  It used to be an electrifying blonde, but it has toned down and is now turning dirty blonde/light brown. Sam has been on high flow oxygen for over one week now!  Jacob and I are SO proud!  We are hopeful that he will continue to progress and grow into a healthy, big and strong boy.
Drew is also doing quite well.  He has (for the fourth time) been moved onto the CPAP breathing aparatus, and seems to be tolerating it well.  Hopefully he will be able to stay on it and soon be changed to high flow.  He is also developing his personality.  I haven't seen as much of his as I have Sam because  Drew wasn't feeling so hot for a few days.  Now that they are 30 weeks (gestational age), they should hopefully be stabling out.  Drew isn't afraid to let you know if he is upset.  Yesterday while I was sitting in their room using the computer, I heard a fairly loud cry.  I ignored it because I knew it wasn't my babies because they don't cry that loudly.  I continued working on the computer and then heard the cry again.  This time it sounded like it was coming from our room.  I looked at Sam and he was peacefully sleeping, so I walked over to see Drew.  He was SCREAMING!!! He had a completely soaked diaper!  I couldn't believe I could hear him crying through his bed!  I don't mean to sound like a horrible mom, but it was so wonderful to hear my tiny boy cry! I changed his diaper and he was once again peacefully sleeping.  Drew also has big beautiful eyes just like his brothers, who take after their extremely handsome father:).   Each day the boys get older, I can see more and more what features of mine they have and what features of Jacob they have. I love looking at these beautiful boys and know that they are literally a piece of Jacob and a piece of me.  We always wondered what our children would look like and how it would be to have a baby.  The fact that we are now having the opportunity to experience those things is an overwhelming joy.  I feel so blessed to be the mother of these boys and am so grateful that Heavenly Father has trusted Jacob and me to be their parents.

A major highlight of this week was having the opportunity to hold both of my boys at the same time.  Looking down and seeing two BEAUTIFUL heads was an overwhelming joy.  As they placed baby boy number 2 in my arms, I began to cry.  Feelings of love, joy, happiness and gratitude filled my heart as I felt them move around and get settled on my chest.  I have to admit that I couldn't help but think of how much I wished I had all three of my babies to hold and love, but I was so glad to have at least the two. I am so in love with these boys and can't believe the happiness and joy they bring to me.  I apologize for all the pictures below, but this blog is more for my journaling purposes. Enjoy!

                                                Holding both of my boys for the first time!

                                                                Holding both of my boys!!!!

                                                            Drew sporting his new kicks

                                                                 Drew's CPAP face:)

                                                         Sam's nurses also double as his hair stylists

                                                                    Sam's new kicks

                                                      Sam and Drew both got new Halloween hats.

                                                                     Sam's first bath!

                                                                        Sam says hi!!

                                                          Sam smiling while I talk to him:)

                                                      Drew showing off his big beautiful eyes

                                                          The cutest baby heads I've ever seen!